Let me start by saying that at one time or another over the week of Cycle Oregon, we all exhibit some COD behaviors. This is inevitable. There are 2200+ people competing for limited resources. Add hunger and exhaustion on top, and the situation doesn't always bring out our best behavior. As the week wears on, and our threshold of tolerance diminishes, the douchebaggery only intensifies.
One thing you have in abundance while on Cycle Oregon is time. Lots of it. So, over the course of the week, me and my riding buddies came up with the following list. . .the Top 10 COD Behaviors.
12. Let's dance. These are COD that need to dance to the next crappy cover band, NOW! So, they forego the shower and decide to hit the dance floor while festooned in all their spandexed glory. Aside from the smell, this isn't harming anyone I suppose. But its still douchey.
11. This years model. These COD are so excited to be on Cycle Oregon that they are donning this years Cycle Oregon jersey on the first day of this years ride. "Oh , you did Cycle Oregon 2011? I know because you are still ON the ride"
10. Is that stall open? It appears that way, since this COD failed to throw the latch to indicate that the blue room he is in the process of making his bitch- is currently occupied.
9. Homesteading. This is where COD get greedy with their camp space by marking their territory with a helmet, duffel bag, and bicycle, forming a footprint far larger than the tent they plan to erect on the site. This usually doesn't last, as the available space is simply too lean to allow for it.
8. Grab and Linger: COD often forget that there are still folks behind them in the snack line they just finished waiting in. So, they get to the front, grab their food and simply stand there.
7. VIP Treatment: Worse than the grab and linger, this is where the COD simply cuts in line. In so doing they put you on notice that their hunger, thirst or need to urinate is more pressing than your own. Come to thing of it, their Cycle Oregon is more important than yours . . .
6. Peeing in the shower. You've finally finished the ride and its your turn to get in the shower. It's definitely one of the highlights of the day, a refreshing and critical rite of passage between riding and partying. Ahh, this feels good! Wait, what is that smell? Don't look now but that is yellow water trickling into the drain.
5. Early, early birds. These COD wake you up at 4:3o am with a phone alarm at full volume. Great that they want to get an early start. They like to get to the breakfast line when it first opens. And they probably need the extra time in order to finish. But they didn't have to wake me, and everyone within a 50 foot radius of their tent to do it.
4. Crowding (when there is plenty of room). COD like to queue up and they also like to go where other COD are. This must explain why, when I pulled off the road at a non sanctioned stop to hide behind a tree and urinate, I turned around to see a fat old man hanging his hog out to pee in the exact same spot.
I reserved the top three slots for COD behavior that exhibited while riding. Douchebaggery which carries with it the potential to injure the COD as well as others around them.
3. Oh no you won't pass me! Some COD hate being passed. So they speed up right after you pass them and try to get back around you. This is cool unless they put you in danger, as one COD did when getting back around me, boxing me in, and forcing me to cross the train tracks at a dangerous angle.
2. On your left! On your LEFT! LEFT SIDE! You may as well be talking to a wall. These COD, often seen riding in the middle of the road, don't like to move over for anyone, forcing you into a dangerous pass into oncoming traffic.
1. Easy there, Lance! And the biggest COD of all is the one that considers himself an elite rider. One such specimen almost ran into the back of an ambulance that was slowing to help an injured rider.
So there you have it. A first draft of the top COD behaviors. There are so many more so as I think of them I will expand this list.
Happy riding in 2012 and remember: Don't be a COD!
